Anxiety is one of many moods. A mood is a state of mind, a dominant emotion, or a prevailing attitude (all three pretty much expressing the same idea). Moods can be both good and bad. The good moods are happiness, goodwill, and enjoyment. The bad moods are anxiety (fear), anger, guiltiness, shame, and despair. When we are under the sway of a bad mood, we feel that we have lost control of our own minds. We are no longer our own master.

If you are assailed by a bad mood, a goal has to be to promote a mood of self-protectiveness, friendliness, and consolation. We promote it by taking steps.

The first thing to do is to take an empty place in the mind. Where is the mind empty? It speaks from an empty place when you say to yourself, "That thought/feeling/mood has emerged into consciousness." The place from which you speak is an empty place.

Bad moods persist because of a person's inflexibility. The person goes over and over memories of awful events - failures, disappointments, victimization, humiliations, and so on. This all goes on in the person's mind, which is detached from present concerns. By saying to yourself, "That thought/feeling/mood has emerged into consciousness," you establish yourself in present time. The distraction occurs now. The speaker speaks now.

There are other techniques for abandoning a bad mood. If you awaken in the middle of the night with an attack of anxiety, try panting/gasping, clenching the edges of the front teeth together and exhaling through your teeth. This is a form of breathing meditation, effective when you are attacked. If the attack does not dissipate, take other steps (amplified farther on):

• Putting yourself into a mood receptive to change. This is done, first, by recognizing your mental situation - "Nature/life has pushed something at me" - and giving it a name: "fear of being suffocated, fear of being suffocated, . . ." If you can't identify what is the cause of the attack, make a stab in the dark:
  -You are feeling fear of being suffocated/smothered/cut/pounced on/overpowered/bound/struck
  -You are feeling anger at being insulted/tricked/wrongly accused.
  
  Alternatively, you can simply say repeatedly to yourself, "I don't know what to do, but my body knows. My body is a genius," in this way letting the responsibility lie elsewhere.
  
  There is value, too, in ranking your awful feelings, with the most awful listed at the top and the least awful at the bottom of the list. By doing so, you become a scientist of your condition. Here is an example.
  1. Suffocated with ether, resulting in feeling vulnerable
  2. Made unconscious (accompanied by nightmares), resulting in feeling vulnerable
  3. Mutilated in an assault, resulting in feeling vulnerable
  4. Disliked by parent(s)/sibling(s), resulting in self-doubt
  5. Humiliation of punishment
  6. Disgust (experiences related to excretion, smell)
  7. Disliked by boss(es), resulting in self-doubt
  8. Embarrassed (many instances)
  9. Insulted/rejected (many instances)
  
  John Bowlby, in his book Charles Darwin, a New Life, observes that "it can happen that a person who has suffered a serious loss or some severe setback in his working life, and has subsequently become depressed, is unable to recognize that his state of depression is a response to the loss or the setback. Once the connection between response and situation is grasped, the depression becomes intelligible. . . (The same is true of the physiological expressions of anxiety or of anger, such as a thumping heart or sweating hands. Once the person concerned understands what they are and how they arose, he ceases to regard them as symptoms and sees them instead as the ordinary human responses to danger or frustration.)" (John Bowlby, Charles Darwin, a New Life (New York: W.W. Norton & Company, 1990), 79.)
  
  
• Asserting one or more values, such as self-compassion: "self-compassion, self-compassion, self-compassion . . ." Sometimes, a string of values is needed: "self-love, self-kindness, self-compassion, self-forgiveness, self-mercy" repeated over and over again, keeping count on the fingers. You can also say, "I want to experience myself objectively, untroubled by unwanted thoughts and feelings" or "leaving the facts behind" (not out of it or lost in thought) or "I want to be patient" (not in a hurry).
  
  
• Relaxing the body (if jolted awake during the night).
  
  
• Looking (in the mind) for a friendly image (if jolted awake during the night), such as a color, a scene, or a loved family member.

Basic to taking leadership of oneself is turning toward instead of away, so that, instead of cowering before the authoritarian righteousness of shaming and blaming, I raise my head and look. I see that a part of my mind is nagging me with mean thoughts - I am unattractive, I am unpopular, I was wrong, I made a mistake, I failed, I am poor, I am low-class, I am uneducated, I am unintelligent, I am ignorant - in short, I am inferior.

Bowlby notes that patients, such as Charles Darwin, who tend to hyperventilate "have a pronounced tendency to avoid referring to the event or to their having been distressed by it. Furthermore, they do not need to be consciously aware of having been reminded of the event for it to affect their breathing. This means that . . . the disturbing event or continuing situation responsible for the condition is likely to remain hidden. Findings of these sorts go far to explain occasions when the onset of symptoms occurs for no obvious reason, as often happens - for example while reading a newspaper or watching TV." (Ibid., 10) This is to say that we sometimes separate ourselves from our bad feelings by turning away from them. This is the opposite of self-knowledge.

Some words, for example, are so closely associated with fear, shame, hostility, and guiltiness that they evoke an avoidance reaction in themselves. A person who has been called a sissy or a faggot, for example, can feel so ashamed of this name that he or she has a tendency to look askance at it, if at all. Similarly, vulgar language causes some people to stop up their ears, and their dread of using vulgar language themselves is so great that they would "die of embarrassment" if they should utter it.

To be a whole person again, we can move away from ignoring or repudiating our bad feelings and move into a position of being receptive to change. From this position I am compassionate - I recognize that I am more than my bad feelings. Implicit in this attitude lie the words, "I am with you. I do not turn away from you. I acknowledge you. I recognize your bad feelings. My compassion recognizes that you are more than you think you are. Who you are and who you have been have been produced by the processes of Nature/life. I do not repudiate or desert any of you. I do not turn my back on you. I do not try to will you out of existence. I acknowledge your existence, each part of your body and each part of your mind. A person is going to feel the full range of human feelings, including fear, shame, hostility, and guiltiness. A person cannot be human without experiencing them. Therefore, I face my negative thoughts. We live together."

My talk to myself is like a holy person's addressing a leper: "I see your sores and crippling, but I am not repelled. I do not flee from you. Rather, I attend to you, knowing that the nobility of humanity is in you, just as it is in every other man and woman."

Facing my interior life, I say in my mind, "Your mind is attacking you. I face what is happening. My bad feelings are in me, a part of me. I acknowledge them." (See Gunaratana for more on this: Gunaratana Chapter 12.)

In this way I take the part neither of the shamer and blamer nor of the one feeling shame and blame but rather a third part, a person receptive to change. I place myself in a position of seeing that I am hurting and being hurt.

By facing, I see what is really there. Compassionate toward myself, I allow whatever I feel ashamed or guilty of to be there. I accept the fact that I have negative thoughts. They are part of the processes of Nature/life and part of my experience. I don't deny them. I am a realist.

An important part of facing is naming what one faces. Instead of facing some vague feeling of self-dissatisfaction, I pin down, if I can, what I am feeling, my specific fear, shame, hostility, or guiltiness. I see what I am feeling and name it, such as, for example, anxiety, rejection, disappointment, shame, defeated, fear, hostility, or guiltiness. . I face my fear of family arguments. I face my fear of being unwanted. I face my hostility toward my boss. I face my guiltiness for having been angry toward my child. By specifically naming what I am feeling, I gain a foothold for facing it further. Each time it occurs, I call it by name: ""You are feeling defeated, you are feeling defeated, you are feeling defeated . . ."

A list of bad feelings can suggest that these bad feelings are not so horrible that they must be denied. Rather, they can be observed, as a scientist would observe them. I am then a realist. All of us are chock full of emotions, all of them allowable. They are in Nature/life.

• fear of being violated/cut/mutilated/controlled/squeezed/forced/suffocated/intruded upon/tortured
• shame of having been violated/cut/mutilated/controlled/squeezed/forced/suffocated/intruded upon/tortured
• fear of being humiliated/scorned/shown contempt/embarrassed/ridiculed/loser/failure/disliked/disgraced
• shame of having been humiliated/scorned/shown contempt/embarrassed/ridiculed/loser/failure/disliked/disgraced
• fear of being in the wrong
• fear of unconsciousness
• sad
• anger/frustration/hurt feelings/shame - at having been insulted/betrayed/tricked/cheated/attacked/stolen from
• guiltiness/regret
• feeling alienated/lonely/isolated/excluded/pushed out/unwanted
• feeling inferior/self-doubting/weak/exposed
• feeling obsessed/distracted by sexual attraction
• feeling envious
• feeling disgust (rotten, putrid smells, images, etc.)

Naming what one feels is not always possible. When a person is outside any protective social group, he or she is in a dangerous position. It is the same position that an outcast from a tribe is in - the person is vulnerable to wild animals, unfriendly tribes, and the elements. In such a position, not only am I afraid, but I have been rejected and thus feel ashamed, since the very nature of shame is the experience of being excluded. In such a vulnerable position I am assaulted by a multitude of fears. Almost any danger assumes exaggerated proportions. In this case, it is difficult to name each fear and each feeling of shame, since there are so many. However, I can at least recognize my vulnerability and acknowledge that I am experiencing the tortures of a powerless outsider. In such a case of confusion, I can say: "You are attacking yourself. You are obsessing. You are feeling inferior and not capable" or "You are experiencing yourself subjectively. You are feeling self-conscious" or "I feel you stewing, I hear you stewing."

Speaking to oneself in this way is recognition that there are other resources in one's mind. The mind entertains the possibility that there is more to a person than his or her panic and despair.

A person who suffers from general depression should not hesitate to say to himself or herself, "So much bad feeling. So much bad feeling. So much bad feeling. . ." In this case, the person doing the talking is not identical with the person who is depressed. The self-talk sets up a subjective-objective situation - I separate "I" (subject) from the depression (object). Thus, we can be conscious of what our minds are doing - we can be conscious of consciousness.

Similarly, saying "I don't know what to do next, but my body knows. My body is a genius" repeatedly enlists the services of the person's inner nature/life. Consciously, we might not know what to do, but it is possible that deeper in one's nature/life there are answers.

The body knows a great deal. Physically, we can see it all the time. For example, when a person suffers a burn, healing agents travel to the site and begin the repair process. Skin cells divide to make new skin, which encircles the burn. Little by little, the healing agents coordinate their work to make the injury smaller and smaller, until, finally, the injury disappears, and the skin is totally repaired. Mentally, also, the body knows a great deal. When we are in despair, not knowing how to handle our problems, we can say to ourselves, "I don't know what to do next, but my body knows. My body is a genius." Addressing our own pool of originations, our life, we can say, "My bones are soaked in fear, shame, hostility, and guiltiness. I'm in a pickle. Please help me out."

I can face my painful memories. I can face my nightmares. I can rise above the person I think I am. I can face the part of my body that has been injured or shamed. I face the bad relationship I have with it. I acknowledge my shame of its victimization, pain, and weakness. If I feel bad about it, I can say, "You are feeling ashamed, you are feeling ashamed, you are feeling ashamed, . . ."

When a person is receptive to change, he or she is a learner. I look to myself to discover who I am and to discover life itself, lifting my sight above the negative thoughts, which for now I determine to live with.

Implicit in this learning attitude are the words, "I know there is more to learn. I persist. I keep looking to the expressions of human nature/life in myself, regardless of their unfriendliness. I marvel at the processes of Nature/life occurring in myself. I marvel at my complexity. I cannot know all of it, but I can know more of it. Even my most negative thoughts are expressions of the processes of Nature/life.

"I know that within you there are reserves of self-compassion, self-forgiveness, and self-mercy. I do not reject you. I look beyond your negative thoughts to what may be hidden but is never lost: love, kindness, generosity, fairness, and minute-by-minute creativity. Even though you choke up when you speak, I find you interesting. Though you are ignorant, I believe in you. Though you are stupid, I respect you. Though you are wrong, I want you. Though you pretend to be what you are not, I recognize your creative nature/life. You are a history, ideas, values, feelings, and intentions."

One would think that a person wouldn't have to work so hard at righting one's own wrong against himself or herself. One would think that the self-defender would come charging forth at every threat to self-respect. However, this is not the case. In the words of Erasmus, "Man's mind is so formed that it is far more susceptible to falsehood than to truth." In people that feel inferior, harsh judgments against oneself seem to be strong and kindly judgments weak. The reason for this is that kindliness is not naturally triumphant. It has to be achieved. The mind entertains harsh judgments just as readily as kindly ones. To people that feel inferior, harsh judgments seem to be superior to kindly ones. Cowering before the seeming superiority of the judge, I feel that I have no right to self-compassion, self-mercy, and self-forgiveness. A necessary condition, therefore, for overcoming negative thoughts is entertaining the possibility that I do, after all, deserve good treatment from myself. A person can say, "Every human being deserves to live in the present creatively without the obstruction of shame and guiltiness. I take a position in opposition to the shame and guiltiness that stand in the way of my enjoyment of the present. I persist in asserting my values of self-compassion, self-mercy, and self-forgiveness. The event is past, and all that remains of it is a reflection in the mind It is an illusion that the event is real, still occurring."

The power of shaming and blaming is too strong for just a single mention. Instead of naming one's feeling just once, I need to hold onto my position by repeatedly saying what I am feeling, until the power of bad feelings diminishes. For example, if I am feeling guilty, I say, "You are feeling guilty, you are feeling guilty, you are feeling guilty, . . ." repeatedly until my bad feeling dissipates. It is remarkable that this technique is so effective. By my being open to change, the power of the judge is weakened.

Recently, instead of carefully reading the directions for installing software in a computer, I was too hasty and used up a lot of extra time needlessly. On the way home, I realized that I was kicking myself for being too hasty. I said to myself, "You are kicking yourself for being too hasty, you are kicking yourself for being too hasty, you are kicking yourself for being too hasty, . . ." repeatedly. Before long, the bad feeling dissipated, and my mind dwelt upon other matters.

The judge does not relinquish its power unless I persist. Repeatedly it calls me names, criticizes, and compares me unfavorably with other people. As I make an effort to take an opposing position, I find myself on a slippery surface, where it is all too easy to slide back into self-name-calling, self-criticism, and uncomplimentary comparisons with other people. It is easy for my opposing thoughts to fade away. Since the negative thoughts are persistent, I, too, must be persistent. The mind moves swiftly. Thoughts change in an instant. Similarly, thoughts of fear, shame, hostility, or guiltiness pass through the mind almost instantaneously. If I do not take the presence of a bad feeling as an opportunity to object, the bad feeling can linger and spoil the occasion. Feeling inferior can quickly dominate consciousness. Consequently, in the presence of a bad feeling, taking a position must be asserted almost moment by moment if self-doubt is not to take over. The statement "That thought/feeling/mood has emerged into consciousness" must be asserted with persistence by saying it repeatedly. In time, this position gains strength, and negative thoughts recede. Not to be forgotten is just observing/noticing a bad feeling objectively, as a feature of existence. What is it? How strong is it? How long does it last? Gunaratana explains this technique very well: Gunaratana Chapter 12.

In repeating a statement/observation, I keep track on my fingers:

[1^st time that a statement is uttered in the mind] - I think of left hand little finger

[2^nd time] - I think of left hand ring finger

[3^rd time] - I think of left hand middle finger

[4th] - I think of left hand index finger

[5th] - I think of left hand thumb

[6th] - I think of right hand little finger

[7th] - I think of right hand ring finger

[8th] - I think of right hand middle finger

[9th] - I think of right hand index finger

[10th] - I think of right hand thumb

The statement is not shouted or forced. Rather, it is just said. I establish a platform in my mind that is distinct from the negative thought.

Sometimes I coordinate the statements with breathing - 1^st utterance of the statement, 1^st breath, 2^nd utterance of the statement, 2^nd breath, and so on.

When negative thoughts have full sway over the person, they freeze the mind so that the person feels no freedom to move into another position. Guiltiness feels lumpy and heavy, with tendrils that clutch, so that the person can hardly breathe. Sometimes I have awakened in the middle of the night in the clutch of guiltiness. My eyes pop open, and I feel the terrible blackness of guiltiness. My mind seems to be locked on some terrible memory. In such instances, I have said to myself in my mind, "That thought/feeling/mood has emerged into consciousness."

Then I have seen that the judge in me, the merciless Puritan, so rigid, relentless, and unforgiving, was convicting me. By using self-talk, I took a stance in a part of my mind apart from the victim of self-blame. I stopped being a victim and took a different part. I saw that my actually being guilty is permanent, but my feeling guilty - blamed and unforgiven - doesn't have to be permanent.

Like guiltiness, the feeling of shame can also seem to be overwhelming. If in one's life there has been a terrible abasement, the mind produces images of being stepped on and dirty. Sexual abasement, in particular, causes a person to feel dirty. Because of the physical violation, the person comes to see himself or herself as a dirty person. The dirtiness becomes a part of the person's view of himself or herself.

This, too, can be resisted: "You are feeling inferior because your boundary was crossed. You are feeling inferior because your boundary was crossed. You are feeling inferior because your boundary was crossed . . ." and, then, "That thought/feeling/mood has emerged into consciousness."

Working inside one's mind is fascinating work, since it is a way of learning more about oneself and about life. Although it is difficult and sometimes unsettling, it is never dull, and, enlarging as it does one's understanding of self and of life, it has value beyond the overcoming of anxiety. (See Gunaratana regarding the benefits of meditation: Gunaratana Chapter 16.)

Step 3 is a procedure to relax the body. Start with the toes. Touch (or pull on) each little toe in turn, then each fourth toe, and so on. Touch each pair of fingers - each little finger in turn, each fourth finger, and so on. Touch on each side of the center line of your skull, starting with the back of your neck and proceeding to your crown and down to your eyes. Touch each closed eye and each nostril and both sides of your lips. In time, these steps can be taken just in the mind.

Next come the bones. Imagine that you are touching various bones with a hammer - cheek bones one side and then the other, forehead, nose, shoulders, hip bones, elbows, knees, ankle bones, and soles of the feet. Feel the cold metal of the hammer in your imagination.

Next, imagine that you are holding your heart. Imagine that you are touching your alimentary canal from top to bottom. Imagine that your head is resting in the palms of your hands and that you are gently lifting it up and down.

Step 4 is looking for a friendly image or color. In a looking state of mind, thoughts and images bubble up into consciousness from some mysterious realm inside the mind (as they do, actually, in all states of mind). They come to mind as a meaningful whole, not just syllable by syllable or picture by picture.

When I want to fall asleep, I can recognize the pathway coming from the deep realm of my existence up to consciousness. Recognizing this pathway is similar to saying to oneself, "I am in Nature/life, not apart from it. I am the creature of what is going on inside my mind. My ego investment is excessive. Everything was (and is and will be) inevitable."

Imagine that there is a blank screen a few inches in front of your closed eyes. Wait for a friendly image or color (maybe deep iridescent blue or ice green) to appear on the screen, saying to yourself, "I look for dream images or a color. I sleep. I dream," over and over again.

Odd images and thoughts often appear. If they are unfriendly, move away from them and return to looking at the blank screen. Continue to look. Since you are trying to go to sleep, when images or a color appear on the screen, they will turn into dreams.

When a person suddenly wakes up, his or her mind is saying, "You are in danger. You'd better wake up to defend yourself." When you are awake, you are less vulnerable than when you are asleep.

Insomnia is caused either by memories of events that haven't been fully consigned to the past or else by aloneness.

In the first instance (memories of events that haven't been fully consigned to the past), something awful has happened, and the mind wants somehow to undo it. It keeps you awake while you go over the unfortunate episode again and again. However, the episode, now in the past, is irreversible. Whether you were in the right or in the wrong, it is a fact. Only the feelings connected with it are reversible.

Not only are the awful feelings alive, but, in addition, there is confusion - there is a tumbling or churning or flashing in the mind. There seems to be no place to land. Insomniacs have lost faith in the safety of existence. The terror, horror, and disgust that underlie everyday existence are immediately under their noses.

In the second instance (aloneness), the person is outside the pale, where wild animals roam and unfriendly tribes lurk, and there is no tribe of your own to offer comfort. The anxiety is the anxiety of the outsider.

A response is available. 1) Notice whatever feelings of memories are bothering you. Say the relevant word over and over again: You are feeling anger, . . . You are feeling shame, . . . You are feeling fear,. . ., etc. If you aren't sure what it was that awakened you, make a stab at it: you are feeling horror, terror, pain, loneliness, disgust, a breach, you are feeling horror, terror, pain, loneliness, disgust, a breach, You are feeling horror, terror, pain . . . If, after this exercise, the feeling does not go away, say the words, "That thought/feeling/mood has emerged into consciousness." If the mind is still tumbling or churning or flashing, say the words, "Your mind is tumbling (or churning or flashing) . . ." repeatedly until it diminishes. As an alternative, you can ask yourself, "What is my consciousness doing?" (2) Evoke one or more of the values: self-love, self-kindness, self-compassion, self-mercy, and self-forgiveness. (3) Turn over the governance of yourself to your body and mind. Withdraw all effort. Say, "I am totally created by Nature. I want my egotism (self-importance/trying to hold my image together) to collapse. I don't know what to do next, but my body does. My body is a genius. I don't know what to do next, but my mind does. My mind is a genius." (4) Then, use the touching exercise. (5) Finally, look for pleasant dream images by saying, "I look for pleasant dream images. I sleep. I dream." (4) Then, use the touching exercise. (5) Finally, look for dream images by saying, "I look for dream images. I sleep. I dream.""

First, I turn on my side, cross my legs, and dangle my legs over the side of the bed. Little by little, my anxiety subsides.

Second, I repeat a saying to myself ten times or more, such as, "I am inside my troubles, and I want to be outside" or "Life only avails, not the having lived."

Third, if I am still wakeful, I get up, warm up a cup of milk in the microwave, add some Malted Milk, and drink it.

Fourth, if I am still wakeful, I engage in walking meditation for twenty minutes.

Fifth, I lie on my back in bed, touch the fingertips of one hand to the fingertips of the other hand, and slowly move them up and down over my body, pivoting on my elbows. Sixty of these up-downs seem to be about right.

Sixth, I cover my head with the bed covers.

Seventh, I say to myself, "I look for dream images. I sleep. I dream," all the while imagining a screen a few inches in front of my eyes onto which images can play.

Randomness of thoughts such as occur in dreams seems to be a characteristic of being human. All kinds of odd, unexpected thoughts and feelings occur all the time during both waking and sleeping life. We ask ourselves, "Where did THAT come from?"

It is quite possible that randomness is part and parcel of the natural creativity of human beings. We couldn't be creative without the randomness. Nature/life releases random thoughts and feelings into consciousness whether they are useful or not and whether they are likeable or not. Some will be useful and/or likeable and some will not. It seems that we wouldn't have the useful and likeable ones if we didn't also have the other, unwanted ones. Albert Einstein wrote about his own experience, "I think and think for months, for years; 99 times the conclusion is wrong, but the hundredth it is right." Linus Pauling said something similar: "Well, you just have lots of ideas and throw away the bad ones. You aren't going to have good ideas unless you have lots of ideas and some principle of selection." Dreams, then, can be seen as expressions of the natural creativity of being human.