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I AWAKEN WITH AN ANXIETY ATTACK
Dear Doctor:
I awaken with an anxiety attack in the middle of every night. How can I overcome this?
Dear Bothered:
There are two root causes of insomnia. One is some awful event from the past, which the mind wants to fix up/do over/undo. It is like the pianist who stops the music to correct a mistake. The mind is not good at seeing the passage of time. This aspect of the mind knows that we are defenseless when sleeping and takes advantage of us. All of a sudden, some awful occurrence pops into the mind, and the person is jolted awake.
"One's defenses are aroused, including anger and aggression. Now is the time to settle down by saying to yourself, "Withdraw. Withdraw. Withdraw. (many times)," as if you were putting down your fists.
The other root cause of insomnia is the same as the root cause of anxiety - aloneness. The person doesn't belong. When you don't belong, you are subject to all the ills of being an outsider - you are in danger, and you lack the comfort of a group.
If you wake up, it is time to take an objective stance - "You are feeling terror, you are feeling terror, you are feeling terror, . . ." or "You are feeling horror, you are feeling horror, you are feeling horror, . . ." or "You are feeling aloneness, you are feeling aloneness, you are feeling aloneness, . . ." Saying this is choosing good nature - it is making mental space outside of the awful feelings. Be receptive to moving away from the feeling that jolted you awake.
Assert a value. Say, "Self-compassion, self-compassion, self-compassion . . ." repeatedly or else another value (self-love, self-kindness, self-forgiveness, self-mercy).
Next comes relaxing the body. Go through the touching exercise in your mind.
To go back to sleep, one can say, "I look for pleasant dream images or a color. I sleep. I dream."
My personal story: I still wake up in the middle of every night, sometimes with an anxiety attack, sometimes without. If I awaken with an anxiety attack, I make the assumption that it is either the old feeling of being suffocated or else the feeling of aloneness. I say to myself repeatedly, "You are feeling suffocated. You are feeling suffocated. You are feeling suffocated . . ." or "You are feeling alone. You are feeling alone. You are feeling alone . . ." Sometimes, ten or fifteen minutes are required to calm my mind.
Suffocation is never far from my mind. A stuffy nose will leave me anxious. I get a reaction from any mention of suffocation in the news. Every now and then a horrible story of suffocation, heard long ago, will spring into my mind.
Sleep is one form of unconsciousness. If you have at one time become unconscious because of either ether or an accident, a link has been made between that unconsciousness and sleep. In my own case, unconsciousness equals ether/suffocation/fear/nightmare/mutilation/pain. I need consciously to separate the idea of sleep from the idea of this other kind of unconsciousness.
Then I go on to Step 2 - asserting a truth or value. I might say, "Compassion, compassion," repeatedly. Then I go on to Step 3 - relaxing the body. Finally, Step 4, I look for a color or pleasant scene or friend in my mind.
It is interesting that the body reacts to hand positions. While lying on your back, touch your fingertips together as if your hands were holding a ball and, in this position, raise them over your abdomen, pivoting on your elbows. Keep this position while saying in your mind, "I look for pleasant dream images or colors. I sleep. I dream." When you are falling asleep, your hands will drop into your lap.
Useful sayings: